Are you a lil' Self?

---

the child the brat inconsiderate immature

• You will meet my needs. I must be in control of situations.

• I must feel happy. I do only what is easy and what makes me happy.

• I cannot tolerate pain. I avoid pain at all costs.

• I can manipulate anyone. I control others feelings.

• I can’t stand criticism, and I don’t try. I’m afraid to fail.

• I see only good or only bad in every situation. My thoughts are black and white in a gray world.

• I will intimidate, bully, or charm whoever I need to. I get what I want no matter the cost.

• I love chaos. Regular life bores me.

• I dream big but have no follow through.

• I am all talk with no substance.

• I am wasting my life. I have low self-esteem.

• I see the world as selfish. I am a user of people.

• I am jealous of others.

• I am negative, selfish, and destructive. I tear others down.

• I love to point out mistakes others make.

• I get even. I will make you pay for that.

• I am hateful.

To believe you are not responsible for your own feelings.

• To be the victim of people and circumstances.

• To not be honest about what you actually think.

• To stay in your own little world of comfort.

• To never evaluate your own behaviors.

• To never have to change unwanted behaviors.

• To never have to feel uncomfortable.

• To never fail.

• To gain pity so people will feel sorry for you.

• To be rescued.

• To never be wrong.

• To make rules for others and should all over them.

• To make excuses.

• To not respect others but demand others respect you.

• To not take responsibility for feelings and behaviors.

• To judge, criticize, disrespect, and talk about others behind their backs.

• To tear other people down in order to make yourself feel big.

Do you want to hurt or shame the other person? Lil’ Self does.

Get them back for hurting you? Lil’ Self does.

Punish them for hurting you? Lil’ Self does.

How you respond to the other person will reflect your intention. Big Self has a different intention than Lil’ Self.

Big Self intends to move into forgiveness eventually. You will learn a great deal about yourself as you reflect on the question of intention.

Lil’ Self fools Big Self into thinking anger has been dealt with, but instead, Lil’ Self is now in control.

Lil’ Self then ends up making Big Self and others feel worse.

• Get people back

• Hurt others’ feelings

• Humiliate others

• Shame others

• Exclude others

• Ignore others

• Cut people out of your life

Lil’ Self says, “I’m not angry at you, I just don’t have time for you.”

Big Self suffers, others suffer, and Lil’ Self feels satisfied.

Tries to fix the other situation/person

Tries to rescue others from painful situations

Is concerned with others’ situations

Tries to control others’ decisions

Interferes to make themselves feel better

Tries to control consequences

Wants to be right/a hero

Has all the answers

Is all about themselves